It has come to my attention that my former booking agent in The Netherlands (writing under the unlikely nom de plume as "Bear") has been publishing photographic images and particular remarks about me, Agatha Bam. Yes, the Agatha Bam of The BAMsisters, a/k/a The Best Twin Act in Western Europe. While this Mister Bear has been helpful to my dear sister and me in times gone by, I must register a hearty complaint that he is now taking liberties with my reputation.
By recounting only the alleged sordid details of my notable career on stage, this brazen gentleman is playing with fire, I say. For just as he claims to know about Betty's and my triumphant comeback tour through the quaint villages of the outer provinces of The Netherlands (where our father was a well-regarded blacksmith, notably in northern Maastricht), I myself am in a position to reveal a whole slew of mortifying details about him and his colorful partner of the 1970's, Miss Pamela Plastic.
Mijnheer Bear can count himself an exceedingly fortunate man that I, in stark contrast to him, am a true lady. While he and his consort were riding my pantyhose to fame and fortune, all we asked for was a cup of tea for me and a..er...a banana for my sister. He seems to be under the impression that his ability to not only admit but to flaunt his, shall we say, bent nature somehow gives him license to exploit and even ridicule The Best Twin Act in Western Europe.
So here I leave you, esteemed public and members of the IBF (International BAMsisters Fanclub). As a loyal follower has provided me with computer assistance, including, cher Bear, necessary PASSWORDS, I am hereby issuing fair warning: should this notorious Mr. Bamboobear (utterly ridiculous!!) continue with his sarcasm and feeble attempts at wit at my expense, I shall mete out a revenge that will uncurl his locks and hoist him on his own petard.
Sincerely,
Agatha Strontkop Bam