Last week I did our 2013 taxes and was able to file jointly on the federal form FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME. Yes, I was happy about that. Even felt a bit celebratory. And yet. Having seen another milestone on the road to equality, my whooping cheer gets a bit caught in my throat. How many thousands of times in my life as a gay man have I painfully bumped up against other forms of discrimination.
Through my formative years, the message was pretty clear. Not only were we not supposed to make a ruckus about being treated like 2nd class citizens, we were supposed to keep quiet and try to pass. Every time a person of color, or a differently abled person, a mentally ill person or a gay person feels they have to try to pass themselves off as white, fully able-bodied, normal or straight, that person is diminished. For those fortunate enough to have a strong sense of their own worth it's hard enough, but for those who have internalized the negativity and the stereotyping, it's just a relief to once again be able to pass. But never let them see your pain, your longing to belong. That can be dangerous.
Part of our liberation --- and by our I mean all of us --- has to begin with owning our prejudices and actively working to see through them. When an oppressed people begins to break the chains that have been weighing them down and holding them back, there's bound to be a stain of rust and an echo of clanging metal on metal before we're all out there folk dancing together.
Although I do fancy myself as bamboo-- pliable, resilient, quick-growing -- I have come to realize that past hurt, bygone years of being discriminated against, infinite times of trying to be invisible, it all adds up. Sweeping it under the party carpet just doesn't clean anything up.
I've never been a whiner. I have no urge to make others feel they have to apologize. I just want us all to let each realization and each milestone serve not only to encourage us to keep working for equality, but also to humble us and bring out our compassion. We are all oppressors and we are all oppressed. Our sincere efforts to see one another with clear-eyed compassion are what we can do.
We have a right to sing the blues. And without our mourning lost opportunities, doors slammed in our faces, physical abuse and all the ways we've been hurt along our road to dignity and fair play, we cannot claim the strength gained from our endurance and our willingness to forgive ourselves and others for narrow-mindedness and prejudice.
Let us celebrate those who came before us down these roads, building bridges, hauling away obstacles, bringing light to the darkness. There's no single file on this path. We are in this together. We each have our stories of shame and defeat. But we're still moving forward, step by step. The others may turn their faces away, but they shall hear our song!