This notion of us humans as connected yet unique seems obvious to me. Gender identity and sexual orientation, I believe, come with birth, although our ability, no...our need to learn and to feel that we each belong in our families and tribes and villages often adds a dynamic tension to the mix.
For example, Western society at certain times in our checkered history has frowned upon left-handedness. Children were taught to write with the right hand and often restrained from employing their sinister left paws. We can look at that practice now and think, how barbaric! I long for the time when every child is honored for her or his gender and sexual orientation as well. It's hard to think about all the children and adolescents who are made to suffer greatly because they don't fit the mold their parents and communities expect them to. Repressing one's nature in order to be accepted tends to mess one up along the way to forming an identity.
As you who have followed my posts will no doubt know about me, I consider myself extremely fortunate to be born to such wonderful parents. When I was a kid, I think I assumed that everyone else also had a happy family. It was a hard truth for me to deal with to learn that many if not most families wouldn't be described by those growing up in them as "happy." As a matter of fact, my desire to keep that hope alive probably turned me into a teacher and director and therapist. Every play and musical offers me another chance to form a family in which each can find her place, each can be appreciated for who he is.
With the gay liberation movement came new role models. Breaking down stereotypes in a big way was a core manifestation of our liberation. Ironically for me, how I was seen and labeled within the "gay world" (yes, we actually called the beginnings of community-forming names like that) morphed from when I was 16 and called both "chicken" (because of my youth) and "butch" (because I tended to avoid acting effeminate). We're talking mid-to-late sixties here.
No sooner had we begun to speak up and define ourselves (and now I am clearly talking about gay males), than I began to feel invisible! Both in downtown D.C., in San Francisco and in Amsterdam, the guys had a new uniform, often including blue jeans, flannel shirts, facial hair, and boots. I was no longer butch. But they did cast me as a juvenile for the longest time, I guess because I looked boyish and was skinny. Soon after what came to be called the "clone" look of the urban lumberjack became ubiquitous, guys began to advertise their sexual preferences (to quite a specific degree) by color-coding the handkerchief they had sticking out of either the left or the right rear pocket.
To this day I can think of terms like pansy, fairy, poof, colorful, and mariposa as imaginative putdowns that actually describe things and attributes I rather enjoy. But of course, I didn't enjoy the way they were used, full of distain that I might be like anything considered light or feminine or airy. If you're a man it's even still considered a putdown to be called "pretty" or "sweet"!! This is---once again-- an obvious way of reinforcing the imaginary hierarchy that if you're a guy you should act "masculine" and that men are better than, stronger than, worthier than women.
I love women. Most of my best friends are female. When I travel in "gay ghetto" circles, I meet plenty of guys who have no use for women in their lives and I find that weird. Sorry guys, I do. My gender identity feels like it's rather fluid. I mean, I feel very much like a man and I'm happy with that. But supposedly "feminine" qualities are a big part of who I am and I wouldn't want to change that either. Being an actor all my life has further empowered me to recognize roles we play in life as roles we play. And growing up gay taught me to camouflage myself depending on whom I was with.
We are three steps forward and one or two back in such matters. Transgendered youth and adults are often living at great risk of bodily harm. And in Uganda one can be locked up or put to death just for being gay. There's always further to travel to equality and harmony in our big ol' world. Let's keep at it, shall we? We are here to love one another, and that's the biggest truth I ever can share.